So I have question: is it ok to send a gift when you weren't invited to the wedding?
Story is that this friend and I were pretty close until last fall. We went to law school together, we lived together one summer, and we talked a lot up until last October. She called me when she got engaged, we talked about their wedding plans, etc. Then, in October or November, she just stopped returning my calls. Completely. I have no idea what happened. I thought maybe she went back to work (she'd been out sick for several months). I tried calling her at work once over the winter, thinking maybe I could catch her at her desk or leave her a voicemail. Turns out she'd left the company. Ok. Finally sent her fiance (another friend from law school) a text message asking if everything was ok because it had been so long since I'd heard from her. He said everything was, they were just busy, and she'd call me soon. She didn't, and I have long since given up on calling her. It makes me pretty sad, because I thought we were good friends. Its also fairly baffling to have someone literally cut you off without...anything. We didn't have a fight, one of us didn't blow the other one off (that I'm aware of), nothing. So for whatever reason, she apparently does not want to talk to me.
I know the wedding is next weekend. I wasn't invited. Neither was the other friend of ours (the three of us were very close in law school). I was considering sending a gift. But I don't know. Is it passive aggressive? I really do wish her and the future husband the best. I want her to know I still consider her a friend and I wish we could be friends again. I don't know her address at home so I can't send her a card. I don't know what to do. Is a gift thoughtful, or bitchy?
3 comments:
Sarah! Hi! So funny that I read your blog today and you posted this!!! I was thinking the same exact thing today in church since we had prayers for upcoming weddings. Crazy. I was wondering if it would be weird to send a card saying congrats.....
Crazy how things have changed since law school. I talked to M last fall and everything was good, told me to save the date for the wedding, etc. Well, no invite. I am fine with that but it would be nice to get together some time and all catch up...anyway, maybe we could send a group card? Or would that we weird?
-K
I think that you could totally send a gift. I've done that a couple of times and usually I get a "Thanks for thinking of us!" and I just want them to know I thought of them that day. I had a couple of people send me gifts that didn't get invited to the wedding either and the point is just to let them know you want them to have the gift to help start their new life, right?
So, I made a split decision. I ended up sending some pink bowls from their William Sonoma registry. They are cute and I like the pink for myself! And yes, I will email you my number....I am finally back in town and able to check non work email/web sites.......
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