Brain Spin

I think the combination of caffeine at lunch, a late afternoon nap, no significant exercise and anxiety is creating brain spin preventing me from sleeping. So I'm blogging.

Here's what's new with me:
Most importantly, my grandfather died last week. This is my first real experience with death. I've known people who died, but no one I knew exceptionally well, like this. Previous deaths were great-grandparents when I was young. So this is new for me. And sort of traumatic and sort of not. He wasn't the greatest grandfather in the world, and for most of my life, I didn't really like him that much. But we had a few good years after I moved out here, and I even liked him for a while. I spent time with him without my grandmother around. But his health really started to decline two years ago, and even more dramatically last summer. Since then its been an emotional roller coaster of highs and lows, lots of lows, as he took his misery out on the rest of us. I really didn't spend much time with him this year. And now, I sort of regret that. He was dying, and in a lot of pain, emotionally and physically, and I couldn't deal with it (because it was very emotionally taxing to be around him). I did see him a couple times in the last few weeks, and I told him I loved him and I'd see him soon about 2 days before he died. And he died peacefully, which is good. Rest in peace, Gramps. I love you.

So....now that I've got that tearful thing out of the way...

My job situation is still unemployed. I'm looking at buying a law practice that does adoption and surrogacy. It sounds pretty cool. I've really got to figure it out ASAP though, because I need an income stream.

This is a huge stressor for me, this no income thing. My former employer is contesting my unemployment, continuing to make my life miserable for God knows what reason. He just can't leave it alone. It's not enough he fired me, he can't let me collect the only safety net I have. He's forcing me to tap my retirement to survive. Thanks a lot asshole. I have no money in my checking account right now. NONE. No money in my savings account either. I was desperately hoping my unemployment check would arrive today, but it didn't, and I cannot determine whether my benefits are being held up because of the objection, or if they will pay in the meantime. I already got one check. I REALLY need the money. I know the ex-boss doesn't care, but unlike him, I don't have a lot of money, so that $450 a week really matters to me.

I'm considering getting some sort of work, any work right now, just to fill the gap. The problem is I have no skills outside of law. I don't really want to go back to the restaurant gig, and besides that, I'm unemployable. I've never worked retail, or reception, or anything of the sort. And I'd need something to pay me more than unemployment to make it worthwhile. I just don't know. The stress of it all is making me crazy. And preventing me from sleeping apparently.

Anyhow, that's all for me tonight. I'm going to lay here on the couch (my sister is asleep in my room) and find something to read until I fall asleep.