Exhausting. There's no other way to describe it. Sure I could tell you I'm anxiety ridden and biting my nails all day but I'm not. But its like I have a low-level virus or something. I'm constantly trying to keep my anxiety under control. The meds help, keeping food and exercise consistent helps, but at night I fall asleep exhausted and wake up exhausted, from dreaming about anything and everything. Even with the medication. It's all you can think about and yet you'd rather think about anything else. But when you try you can't. You can only sort of concentrate on your life around you.
People who know its coming are excited for you and keep asking you if you are excited. What's to be excited about? The biggest test of your life, three horrible days, and now 3 and a 1/2 months later the longest week of your life leads to Friday at 6 pm when we will finally know.
God I'm tired. Is it over yet?
I need to eat some dinner. But see above about tired. Makes dinner challenging. Maybe the grocery store deli has some chicken soup in the case. Comfort food. Low-calorie comfort food.
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Exciting? People think the wait for results is exciting?
That's just wrong. And it't not just, oh, they don't know what the bar is like. Come on now! Almost everyone took the SAT, and was waiting for those results exciting? Yeah, right. Sickening is more like it. Multiply that feeling by 100, and woohoo, you have the waiting-for-bar-results sensation down pat.
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